And I’m thinkin… (by Mathiba Len Molefe)

by Mathiba Len Molefe

And I’m thinkin…

I can feel the chill in my bones, will someone please let me in

I’ve got to go apologise, but I don’t know where to begin

Don’t know where I am I’m lost, I trusted the compass within

I was so sure I’d survive, but my spirit’s been worn so thin

Gotta go and see my farmer, I need some food for the brain

Need something to calm my thoughts, need someone to ease my pain

All this time I been thinkin, are you and me one in the same

Do we share some intrinsic link, or am I just going insane

And I’m thinkin…

I remember what you said, but I did what I wanted instead

And I’m thinkin…

I prefer to be alone sometimes, but I need people like you by my side

And I’m thinkin…

I have no sense of direction, where the fuck to from here

Where can I go on my own, accompanied by no one but fear

I figured in a world so cold, on a path seemingly so unclear

Gonna be a long wait for the light, I can feel the storm draw near

All this time I been thinkin, how could this get any worse

Never escape this feelin, never be free from this curse

Heard somebody call my name, couldn’t pinpoint its source

Tried to make out what said, “You can pull it off of course”

And I’m thinkin…

I remember what you said, but I did what I wanted instead

And I’m thinkin…

I’ve got this sinking feeling, I can feel my conscience reeling

And I’m thinkin…

And I’m thinkin…

All this time I’ve been thinkin, will the truth set me free

If I admit to my sins, will the torment let me be

Will the guilt just melt away, ever stop feelin so bleak

Or is it all here to stay, amongst the ruins of crumbling dreams

Sometimes I find myself thinkin, how my life looks from afar

Resembling a bird flying free, or an insect trapped in a jar

Then I find myself thinkin, how the fuck I got so far

My reflection glaring at me, I wonder who the fuck you are

And I’m thinkin…

Yeah I remember what you said, but I did what I wanted instead

And I’m thinkin…

Probably end up hating you, for everything you put me through

And I’m thinkin…

Every time I picture the end, I picture a glorious blaze

Not this unerring darkness, everything lost in a haze

All this time I been thinking, will I ever get past this phase

Tellin everybody I made it, leavin them shocked and amazed

Sometimes I find myself drinking, a bottle or two on my own

Very soon I find myself sinking, tryin to find my way back home

Caught up in a drunken stupor, wondering into the unknown

I can feel my heart grow cold, I can feel the chill in my bones

And I’m thinkin…

Yeah I remember what you said, but I did what I wanted instead

And I’m thinkin…

I’ve got this sinking feeling, I can feel my conscience reeling

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